Basement level · Mind the stairs · The lift is “resting”

Have you tried turning it off and on again?

Welcome to the most under-appreciated IT department in the building. We fix computers, mostly by asking whether they are plugged in, and occasionally by glaring at them until they behave.

Try the Fix-o-MaticReport an Emergency

tnetennba(n.) A perfectly real nine-letter word. Please don't look it up.

Printer: hauntedEmail: mostlyThe Internet: in the boxCoffee machine: criticalMeeting-room Wi-Fi: never workedLift: out of order since records beganPatience: 2%Printer: hauntedEmail: mostlyThe Internet: in the boxCoffee machine: criticalMeeting-room Wi-Fi: never workedLift: out of order since records beganPatience: 2%

Services

What we (allegedly) do

Award-adjacent IT support since roughly whenever. Prices are indicative, morale is not.

⏻

Off & On Again

Our flagship service, with a 98% success rate. For the other 2%, we turn it off and on again, again.

Free the first time

🔌

Is It Plugged In?

A forensic investigation of the wall-to-device interface. We bring a torch. You bring biscuits.

1 packet of biscuits

⌨

Locating the Any Key

We'll search the whole keyboard with you, then break the news gently. Tissues provided.

Emotional support extra

🖨

Printer Exorcism

We don't fix printers. Nobody fixes printers. We negotiate with them, respectfully, at a distance.

Results not guaranteed

👥

Social Network Regret Removal

Joined a shiny new social site and accidentally befriended everyone you've ever met? We'll make it go away.

Priced per friend

👀

Looking at Your Screen

Expert over-the-shoulder nodding and the occasional “hmm.” Sometimes the problem simply leaves.

Billed by the “hmm”

Self-service

The Fix-o-Matic

Our proprietary troubleshooting engine, distilled from decades of experience into one very short decision tree.

Answer honestly. It knows when you're lying. (It doesn't. But it suspects.)

Clinical trials show the Fix-o-Matic resolves most problems before the user reaches step two.

fix-o-matic.exe

EXHIBIT A · DO NOT TOUCH

Exhibit A

This is the Internet.

Yes, all of it. It's surprisingly light, it fits in a small black box, and the little red light means it's working.

It's on loan to us from some very serious people who would like it back in one piece, so please do not shake, drop or poke the Internet.

Go on. We know you want to.

Live-ish readings

Departmental status board

Updated whenever someone remembers. Which is rarely.

  • EmailOperational-ish
  • The InternetIn the box
  • Printer (3rd floor)Possessed
  • Meeting-room Wi-FiHas never worked
  • Coffee machineCritical
  • Staff patienceDraining

Meet the department

The team

Highly trained professionals. Loosely supervised. Rarely seen above ground.

Head of Department

Knows absolutely nothing about computers and is in charge of the people who do. Outstanding at meetings. Has a lovely desk.

  • Computers
  • Confidence
  • Meetings

Resident Genius

Can explain quantum networking but not how to use the microwave. Once fixed a server just by apologising to it.

  • Computers
  • Small talk
  • Board games

Professional Slacker

Feet on the desk since 9:01. Answers the phone like it owes him money. Surprisingly good in a crisis, if it's someone else's.

  • Computers
  • Effort
  • Excuses

Whoever's Behind the Door

We don't talk about the door at the back of the server room. He's fine. He likes it in there. Please don't knock.

  • Computers
  • Daylight
  • Eyeliner

Emergencies

Report an emergency

In the event of a fire, please do not email us.

Our new emergency number is very easy to remember. It's only 47 digits long and has a catchy tune. We'll put it here once someone remembers it.

Until then, use the form. Please choose the option that best describes how doomed you are.

emergency.form

Nothing is actually sent anywhere. This is a placeholder page, and we're on our break.

About this site

Seriously, though

tnetennba.dev is a platform for demo websites by csbwebhost.com. We use it to build and preview customer websites before they launch. If you've been sent a demo link, it will live at an address like tnetennba.dev/your-business/.

Disclaimer: This placeholder page is an affectionate, unofficial homage to the British sitcom The IT Crowd. It is not affiliated with, endorsed by or connected to the show, its creators, broadcasters or rights holders. All text and artwork on this page are original. The show's name and any related trademarks belong to their respective owners.

No computers were harmed in the making of this website. Several were turned off and on again.